Thursday, 10 April 2014

The True Me

Hi guys,

When I first moved to London, I thought I would find the true me. A few days ago, I asked myself 'Who am I?' Not the superficial things but recently, I have had the chance to re-evaluate myself. To put life into perspective.

The thing is, I was just going through the motions. Wake up, get ready, work, get back late, eat, bed. Weekends were my salvation, I did different things. But I still didn't appreciate everything enough. The sound of rain beating down on the tarmac that I love, then the smell afterwards. Feeling a butterfly flutter down in the sunshine. Hearing the sounds of London, my beloved city, everyday, people moving, breathing, living.

My break from all of this was good. I had a birds eye view of my life. What is it, the true me?

I realise that I am still figuring this out, in the least cliched way that I can write it. As I write, my fingers tap on the keyboard impatiently, my thoughts faster than my typing skills. I am a creative soul and recently I have been feeling like a butterfly imprisoned in a cage, itching to be freed to taste fresh air.

I am a private person navigating the amount of things I make public on my blog. When I first made my blog, on a boring old Saturday last June, I knew I wanted a pen name. Neither of my names are my real names, you will never see a full face picture of me. You want to know why? Because I am scared. Not of cyber creeps. But of those around me. I am scared of the reaction of those that are supposed to love me most. That I will inevitably close my blog down. And I don't want to, because this blog might just save my life. Not as in I am sat here about to commit suicide, but I need a place to rant to, to cry to and be that superficial person obsessed with Benefit and YSL (have you noticed!).

One last thing. Sorry to my followers, who, without an explanation, I deserted for a really long time. I won't ever give you a whole explanation but I needed time to recover and heal, and that's what I started to do. But then I realised: I need my blog to recover with me, and I really, really do enjoy writing my little reviews, even if one person looks at it and thinks that it was nice, horrible, anything. The worst thing is indifference and I hope none of you feel that way about me, even if you dislike me. That's all.